shithappens.
I arrive at LAX, pleased and anxious. How naive i am. What do i think is going to happen? Angles fly down from the sky and sweep me off my feet, ultimately taking my to my final location? No not heaven, its not time for that, plus i probably wouldn’t even get in. I mean i must have already been in hell, because then i saw it…the self check-in. A monster of a machine, as evil as they come. No matter what i did the monster would not obey, it took ten…TEN of us to finally get it to print the tickets. And then it only gave me two. (Out of three that is.) Meaning that i was gonna be stuck in london if i didn’t get one. It didn’t get any better after that. We checked in our baggage. And rechecked. And added. and subtracted. And payed a whole shit load of money. And finally checked our baggage. But not before the illiterate woman behind the counter gave us 10 pounds of attitude and got into a quarrel with my mother. That woman was a complete FOB. The metal detector was a breeze and a lovely officer of the law lightened my mood a bit. The real fun began at the terminal though. We are about to get on the plane, a boeing 757, a kiddie fucking plane, when the ticket checker guy stops us because our carryon is slightly too large and by slightly i mean a centimeter. So once again, we check. Recheck. Subtract. Add. Check again, and are finally allowed to board when our baggage begins to fit they’re completely hanus requirements. By this point my mother and i are ragged. A comfortable seat, and some lovely shut eye are all we ask for. But the flight was completely booked, they didn’t have enough room for our carry-ons, and I’m almost sure the plane itself had not been used since 1972. The seats were tiny and the aisles were cramped. And i was almost sure i had been drugged and trapped in a sauna. I could feel my skin shriveling up and dying. (nice imagery huh? don’t worry I’m not done just yet.) My mother and i barely had room to fit on the chairs, but were pushed together by the 300 pound beast sitting next to us. Damn sexy huh? By the time we got into the air my eyes were rolling into the back of my head at record speeds. I moved around to find a comfortable position with but one thought in my head…god i fucking wish i was a contortionist right about now. No such luck, he didn’t grant my wish, fucker. I nodded in and out for over 2 hours, changing position every few minutes. Never found a comfortable one, in fact each position was just as bad as it predecessor. The plane has landed and ive walked 3 miles to the next gate, after asking several people what gate my flight departed from, since it wasn’t on the ticket. Now im just waiting. Waiting.
